Part I of III
Caps! Caps for sale!! Actually, no, you can just have them for free. Do you ever feel like you're the little man in Caps for Sale? Wearing fifty different hats at once, and trying to make them all balance perfectly? Inevitably, something gets lost in the shuffle. All too often, in the case of a mom with young children, that "thing" is your marriage. I know. I've been there, and I'm sure many of you have as well.
In this three-part post, we're going to look at putting the spice back in your marriage. Remember, in relationships, it should be God first, your husband second, and your children third. Now, I'm no marriage expert. Heavens, no! We've had our moments, just like anyone else, but I've been reminded of this triangle several times in the past, particularly when we hit a rocky patch.
On a typical day, I wear the hats for wife, mother, teacher, taxi driver, cook, maid, nurse, entertainer, writer, athlete, and probably another twenty or thirty that I can't think of at the moment. Switching gears between the 'smaller' jobs is fairly easy, but switching from teacher to mom to wife can be very difficult. Have you ever wiped something off your husband's face? Yeah...you forgot to change your hat there.
A few tips for putting that wife hat back on...
- Listen to him. Ask him how his day was - and don't just hear the words and nod your head, but take what he is saying seriously. Then, show him some gratitude for working to support the family.
- Talk to him. Do you need help? Tell him. Do you need a break? Tell your husband. Communicate with him. He can't read your mind. Well, mine can't. If you have one that can....please....have him teach a course or something....
- Compromise with him. When you argue (notice I said 'when,' not 'if'), make use of the phrase "I'm trying to compromise with you, meet me halfway?" Typically, women are better communicators than men. Just break it down for him. Show him you're not being pig-headed.
- Forgive him. After a few years of marriage, you know each other's hot buttons and you're bound to push them. Sometimes on purpose! But you have to have the stamina to weather the storms. Remember : for better or worse. Sometimes we push that "worse" to the limit, but we have to learn to forgive and be forgiven. (And sometimes we just need to grow up and quit acting like kids.) With this comes the steadfast knowledge that nothing and no one can harm your marriage.
- Appreciate him. Look past his faults and admire all the great things about him. Oh honey, I know he'll piss you off good sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with letting him know. But don't harp on it. And leave the drama inside. There's enough drama on reality television already; no one needs to see your's. To the rest of the world, you should always be looking up to your husband, rather than down upon him. No matter how mad you might be at that moment.
- Ask one more thing from him. Let him know what you need help with, but do it in a fun and flirty manner. Stroke his ego, encourage him, and watch the magic happen! We'll kick it up from G-rated to PG-rated next time, as we talk more about chore-play...
Go. Talk to your hubby. Ignore the kids for five minutes..they'll be ok.